


even if you don't know (you got the best of me)

by wonuhub



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Boy Kim Mingyu, But different, Kinda, M/M, Minor Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Minor Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Minor Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Red String of Fate, Soft Jeon Wonwoo, abused wonwoo, he knows he's hot but doesn't really care lol, he's secretly soft ok, kinda??, mingyu doesn't believe in soulmates :(, mingyu's kinda mean to wonwoo at first, mingyu's mean at first but his past is rly sad, pls love wonwoo, seungkwan is smart and doesn't stand for mingyu's bullshit, the string's white lol, this is basically wonwoo whump, wonwoo has curly hair uwu, wonwoo's dad is an asshole, wonwoo's mom is an angel (almost literally), wonwoo's past and present is just sad he's just a sad baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25634224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonuhub/pseuds/wonuhub
Summary: They say that when humans were first created, they were these odd creatures with double the limbs they have now; two faces, two pairs of hands, legs, etc. The gods felt threatened by the power these creatures had, so the creatures were severed in half, forever fated to try to find the other halves of themselves. Humans suffered with desperation and anguish, always longing for their other halves. The one thing the gods did in order to help ease humanity’s suffering was that they connected each of them by an invisible string; a string that connects the souls of those who were made for each other.Mingyu thought that was a whole load of bullshit. Sure, his soulmate seems to be a trigger-happy son of a bitch that loves to tug on the string connected to him, but Mingyu will never succumb to the whole soulmate trope. He knows he’s better off without his soulmate, and he wishes his soulmate would just leave him alone.On the other hand, Wonwoo just wanted someone to love him again.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 26
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is the first fic I've written in close to 7 years, but this idea has just been brewing in my mind for the past few nights and I literally think about it before I sleep. I've been itching to bring it to life, so I finally did!
> 
> Before you read the first chapter, I just wanted to explain the whole string concept. So, you must be familiar with the red string of fate thing. Well, my concept is kinda similar to that, but it's more of a mental string that you can imagine to tug which is connected to your other half's consciousness. If both parties tug at the same time, then they'll be able to meet each other in their dreams. So, if they're both out and about and decide to meet each other in their dreams at that moment, they'll both pass out physically. 
> 
> Also, you can start tugging at the string when you reach the age of 17. The older of the two can start tugging first, but the younger won't feel the tugging until they also turn 17. 
> 
> Okay, if you have any questions or comments about it, please leave me a comment! 
> 
> Happy reading!

There was a constant tugging.

At this point, Mingyu should have learned how to ignore it already, having been doing so since he turned 17 and felt the miniscule tugging in his mind. It was like someone was pulling an invisible string that was connected to the inner-most parts of his consciousness. He remembers when the clock struck midnight on his birthday, immediately, there was a tugging. It was as if whoever was doing it had been doing it far long before… As if whoever was doing it had been doing it in their every waking hour. It felt like desperation to Mingyu. That disgusted him.

As of now, it was right before midnight, and Mingyu was trying to finish up an essay for his Ethics class. When he was younger, the tugging happened almost at every hour. This person was desperate to see him. Throughout the years of no reply from Mingyu; not even one tug, the person resorted to tugging only at night. Mingyu really despised them for it, as it was only at night that he was able to gather peace and quiet for himself to focus on studies or resting.

The thing is, Mingyu was just so irrevocably against the idea of having a soulmate. A person made rightfully for you? A person who completes you? A person who brings out the best part of you? It was all a lie. A trick. A mere preconceived notion developed to fool people into thinking love is just that easy. What they don’t tell you is the darkness that comes with finding your soulmate. Sometimes people are just better off just _not_ finding their soulmates at all. Mingyu’s soulmate seems to be one of those fools who’s set on finding their soulmate, and just won’t get the sign from Mingyu’s non-reciprocation that he really _wasn’t_ interested.

One thing he can give to his soulmate though, is that although they seem desperate to see him, Mingyu has never felt a forceful tug. Vernon would always tell him that the moment he turned 17, Seungkwan, his soulmate, tugged so hard at his consciousness that forced Vernon to pass out and meet Seungkwan in his dreams. The ridiculous thing was that they were literally right next to each other that night, wanting to celebrate Vernon's birthday right at midnight. After they gained the ability to connect each other’s consciousness, when far away from each other, they would talk to each other in their dreams just to be in each other’s company. If Mingyu’s innate hatred for the concept of soulmates wasn’t so strong, he would find it cute. His soulmate’s tugs were, if anything, the most gentle thing Mingyu has ever felt. Sometimes he could admit that the tugs were close to comforting with how soft and gentle they were. Because of his soulmate’s softness, Mingyu never once thought that the tugging _itself_ was annoying, but just the meaning behind the tugging and what it led to.

As he typed up the last words of his essay, the tugging became a little stronger. This would happen sometimes. It used to happen more when he was younger; when the tugging first started. Maybe his soulmate felt extra needy sometimes and wanted their presence to be more known in order to get a response. Not that its ever worked. Not that it ever will. He rolled his eyes at the incessant tugging, although it went back to its more gentle tugs rather than the few stronger ones his soulmate just did. Eventually, the all of the tugging subsided. Mingyu rubbed his eyes from the strain of looking at his laptop for so long. He checked his phone to see that it was almost 3 in the morning.

With a sigh, he closed the lid of his laptop and leaned back on his chair. He stared at his ceiling for a while, a train of random thoughts filling his mind. He probably could have fallen asleep right then and there if not for the loud ring of his phone, signaling a call. After he saw that it was Seungkwan calling, he paused before answering the call.

“It’s three in the morning.” Mingyu deadpans.

“Yet you’re still awake.” Fucker.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m pretty sure you didn’t call me at three in the morning just to patronize me for still being awake. What happened now?”

“Oh, nothing, really… Vernon aced his Physics test, Chan got chosen as the lead dancer for the group he’s been raving about, Soonyoung met his soulmate, and I totally wasn’t eating ramen just now.” A pause. “You didn’t hear that.”

“Okay, well that sounds great and all but-“ A pause. “Wait, did you just say Soonyoung found his soulmate?”

He could practically see Seungkwan in his mind rolling his eyes at him while flicking his wrist out annoyingly in his direction. “Yes, stupid, do you even listen to anything I say?”

“So much so that I’m a hundred percent sure you also said you ate ramen just now.” He smirked at the younger’s antics.

“Hey! You can’t tell Vernon that, okay? Anyways, Soonyoung is basically over the moon about it and wanted to tell you himself but his phone died after talking to his new husband for so long after they met in each other’s dreams. Gosh, they’ve only known each other for 5 hours but it’s as if they’ve been together since birth.”

Although Seungkwan’s words are teasing, Mingyu knows that Seungkwan is really happy for Soonyoung. Vernon and Seungkwan were a rare pair of soulmates who have basically been together since they were kids, and as they were growing up, they were so sure that they were soulmates that when Seungkwan forcefully tugged his string on Vernon's birthday, they were unsurprised to see that it connected both of them together. Soonyoung has been tugging at his soulmate’s string for a long time, but had never gotten a response. He thought that his soulmate was like Mingyu. Nonetheless, Soonyoung relentlessly kept trying to tug at the string, just like Mingyu's soulmate tries to do with him.

“I’m not too sure about the details because Soonyoung was so busy talking to his soulmate that he gave me the shortest run down of my life. Apparently, his soulmate, Jihoon, initially didn’t believe in soulmates and thought that he would be happier without his. But he realized that he wasn’t even _happy_ with his life, so how could he think that he could be happi _er_ if he never gave it a chance? So he jumped the bullet and just decided to finally see Soonyoung, and oh boy. From what I could tell from his voice on speaker, that man is whipped. Oh, and he even goes to SNU! What are the odds of that, huh?”

Mingyu didn’t realize that his heart was beating so fast after listening to Seungkwan until he felt that the phone was slipping from his hand because of how sweaty it had gotten. Before he knew it, the phone fell out of his hand and onto the ground. He yelped before wiping his hands down his sweats then picking the phone back up and placing it on his ear.

“Hyung? Are you okay?”

Mingyu ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head a little in order to get himself at least a little together. “What? Uh, yeah, of course. Um. I’m happy for Soonyoung. I know he’s been waiting for a long time, so um. I’m happy that he’s… happy.” He was surprised he managed to punch that out while his heart was beating so fast, although he would have liked it to sound smoother.

He could hear a sigh from the other end of the line and Mingyu already knew where this was going. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back up towards the ceiling, leaning back on his chair again.

“Hyung… Why don’t you just once, one time, try to see your soulmate? You say that you’re happy right now, but are you even really?”

“Even if I do meet them, is happiness really guaranteed? Am I instantly going to feel gratification and satisfaction from just seeing them? What if the exact opposite happens? Don’t be stupid, Seungkwan. Not everyone ends up happy from meeting their soulmate. Just because you and Soonyoung ended up happy doesn’t mean it’s set in stone.” He doesn’t mean for his tone to have so much bite in it, but no matter how many times his friends try to convince him to meet his soulmate, it just made him angry. There was no way it was going to happen.

Seungkwan didn’t say anything. Mingyu knew Seungkwan didn’t deserve what he just said, so he sighed to calm himself down and softly said, “Sorry. That was out of line. Look, I know you guys want the best for me and I really appreciate that. I do. But unlike Jihoon, I just can’t find it in myself to give this soulmate thing a chance. Especially after...” Mingyu held his breath, not even being able to think about what had happened in the past. “A-Anyways. I’m happy for Soonyoung. Maybe we can all meet Jihoon at a café or something this week. But really, Seungkwan, I’m fine.”

A few seconds passed by and Seungkwan still didn’t say anything. At this point, Mingyu was getting nervous and started tapping his fingers on his desk as he waited for a reply. Soon enough, he heard Seungkwan, yet again, give another sigh.

“Yeah, okay, hyung. I understand what you want.”

Mingyu felt his whole body relax with those words and stood up in order to say his goodbyes and prepare to go to bed.

“But,” Mingyu stopped himself from walking once hearing Seungkwan’s voice again. “Although I understand what you want… I really can’t help but feel bad for your soulmate. Sure, _you_ know what you want. But someone out there is still hoping that _they’re_ what _you_ want. And if you don’t at least meet him once in your dreams to tell him the truth, they’re always going to be waiting for someone who’ll never come. Are you going to protect yourself from getting hurt by hurting someone else, Mingyu-hyung?”

The words hit like a bullet to his heart. He knew Seungkwan had a point. He knew he was being selfish for basically pushing his soulmate to the side without explanation for the past 3 years and will continue to do so in the future.

Once again, seconds passed by, this time with no reply from Mingyu. On the other end of the line, Seungkwan gives another sigh. Mingyu almost feels bad for making the younger one so stressed.

“Good night, hyung.” And with that, the younger hangs up the phone.

Mingyu stands there for a long time, phone still pressed to his ear even though he knows Seungkwan already hung up. The younger’s words were still ringing in his mind. What was he supposed to do? Should he finally see his soulmate in his dreams just to basically tell him off? Wouldn’t that just be more cruel? As he keeps thinking of excuses not to confront his soulmate, Seungkwan’s words keep coming back to him. _If you don’t at least meet him once in your dreams to tell him the truth, they’re always going to be waiting for someone who’ll never come. Are you going to protect yourself from getting hurt by hurting someone else, Mingyu-hyung?_

In a split second, Mingyu decided that he’s going to tug his soulmate into his dreams that night. Based on what’s heard from his friends, both parties can see each other in their dreams if they both tug at the same time with similar strengths. Or one party can tug forcefully. If Mingyu’s really going to do this, he’ll have to do the latter since he’s pretty sure his soulmate isn’t even awake to tug back at him if he tugs too.

Before he can change his mind, Mingyu quickly moves from the spot he’s been in for the past 5 minutes. He checks the clock to see that Seungkwan’s call took almost 15 minutes. He makes his way towards the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face really quick and maybe brush out his hair. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to make sure he doesn’t look haggard and as if he hasn’t showered for the past two days (guilty), but there’s a part of him that just doesn’t want to make a bad impression. (But why does he care?) He makes his way out of the bathroom to grab a fresh pair of sweats and a clean white shirt.

Right after preparing himself for bed, Mingyu finds himself taking quick strides to his bed. As he hovers over his bed, Mingyu finally realized how ridiculous this is. Not even 20 minutes ago, he was just thinking so strongly about never meeting his soulmate, and now he’s actually doing it? And if he really thinks about it, why is he actually looking forward to it? He’s sure he’s only looking forward to it in order to finally be left alone. He won’t have to deal with any more of the tugging. Yes, that’s it.

He doesn’t even want to see his soulmate’s face. From what Seungkwan has told him, if one of the soulmates does a tug forceful enough to force the other soulmate into his dream, the one who does the forceful tug can control the setting of the dream. With this in mind, Mingyu finally gets into his bed and tries to control his fast-paced heart beat. As he closes his eyes, he realizes that because he’s never tugged the string before, he’s not even sure he knows how to. After a few minutes of laying with his eyes closed, he can feel himself falling sleep.

Finally in the realms of sleep, he imagines his hand tugging on a string, and _wow_. In his mind, his hand is suddenly holding a white string. He tugs at it a little and realized that what he’s pulling on is his soulmate’s consciousness. A part of him is a little amazed, while the other just wants to get this over with and meet his soulmate. To tell him off of course.

He prepares himself to tug really hard by imagining what he wants the setting of the dream to be. Mingyu imagines a pitch black room just like the one he’s in now, but with a light shining down in the middle for him to walk up to. He wants him and his soulmate to be in the dark so that he won’t have to actually see them, then he’ll say what he has to say and leave.

Mingyu takes a deep inhale before breathing it out in one long exhale.

He tugs the string with his whole body, putting all his strength into it.

The room wasn’t much different from where he was when he was tugging on the string, except there was the light he wanted shining down the middle of the room. If Mingyu didn’t have sharp senses, he would have thought that he was alone in the room. A few feet away from him, on the other side of the light, he could hear someone breathing. They were both far away enough from the light that they couldn’t see each other in the darkness. As if his soulmate had just figured out what was happening, the person took a step forward. But before they could walk towards the light, Mingyu stopped them with his voice.

“Stop. Don’t take a step forward. Just stay there.”

Mingyu wasn’t sure if his soulmate would listen to him. Maybe his soulmate was the type of person who did whatever they wanted to do. But oddly enough, Mingyu had an inkling that his soulmate’s personality was nowhere near that. His soulmate’s soft tugs throughout the years spoke of a gentle personality.

Honestly, Mingyu was surprised that his voice had come out so smooth, which didn’t reflect just how nervous he was. His heart was beating so fast that he was surprised he wasn’t having a heart attack at that moment. He looked down at his hands. They were trembling. The one holding the string was shaking even more. The white string was completely straight, due to the close proximity of him and his soulmate. The thought of his soulmate being there, more than a few feet away from him, holding the other side of the string, was somehow so shocking to him. It seemed surreal. He was so unprepared for this. Why did he do this again? Even though he wanted to meet his soulmate here to tell them the truth, he didn’t actually think about _what_ he would specifically say. He had always been so bad at serious talks on the spot.

“I-“

“Stop!” Mingyu’s head had immediately snapped up at the sound of the other’s voice. Just from the one syllable he heard, he knew that the other had a deep voice. It was a man. His voice was smooth. It wasn’t one of those guttural, rough, or raspy kind of voices he hated listening to. (Not that it mattered, because he wasn’t going to listen to him ever again, right?) “Don’t talk. Just don’t say anything. Don’t move and don’t talk.”

A silence passed between them, and Mingyu heard his soulmate take a step back to his original position. He took advantage of the silence to gather his thoughts. He can’t outright just say that he never wanted to hear from or see him again right? Or should he just say that? How do you break lightly break it down to someone that you aren’t interested in their cosmically fated relationship? _Ah, what the hell, Mingyu, there’s no turning back now, so just say what you want to say._ Mingyu thought.

“I don’t want anything to do with you.” He all but blurted out.

With Mingyu’s sharp ears, he noticed that his soulmate’s breath had stopped. He couldn’t help but be worried when the other didn’t stop to breathe after a few seconds, and he tensed. Eventually, he started hearing his soulmate breathing again and his shoulders relaxed. He took it as a sign to continue.

“Listen, I just don’t believe in the whole soulmate thing being good for people. Okay, actually, it may be good for a lot of people, judging from all of my friends who have soulmates and they’re completely happy, like, to the point that it’s kind of annoying,” at this point Mingyu was losing control of his thoughts and was just rambling. God, he was so bad at this. “But, I guess I just don’t believe that this soulmate thing will be good for _me_. I’m just completely against it.”

“I forced you here first, to apologize for the past. I’m sorry for ignoring you for the past 3 years without any explanation since I should have told you this early. Second, to apologize for the future. To be honest, I was never going to do this. I wasn’t going to meet you. If my friend didn’t guilt-trip me into thinking about how selfish I am, I probably would have just kept you hanging. So, I guess I’m sorry for not wanting you to be a part of my future? Lastly, I just want you to stop tugging at the string. I’m never going to tug back. I’m never going to want to do anything with this soulmate business. So please, stop.”

By the end of his little speech, Mingyu’s heart was racing even faster than before. He subconsciously put his right hand above his heart, feeling how fast it was.

Another bout of silence passed, and now, even with Mingyu’s sharp hearing, he couldn’t gage a reaction from his soulmate. Maybe not letting him talk was too much. Mingyu wouldn’t be able to know if the other would stop or not. But if Mingyu allowed him to talk… honestly, he was afraid that he would want to hear more of his voice.

“Sorry, um. It’s actually pretty confusing if you don’t talk, so…”

A pause.

Then, ever so softly, “Okay.”

Mingyu’s not sure why he’s so taken aback by that. Deep inside him, he thought that his soulmate would maybe fight to keep their connection. The other had tugged on their string everyday without fail, so Mingyu had expected more from his soulmate judging from his commitment. The submission surprised him more than the softness of his voice, which tickled Mingyu’s ears as if it was liquid honey.

“…Okay? You’re okay with that? That’s it? You’ll stop?” Mingyu knows there’s a little bit of an incredulous tone in his voice.

“If that’s what you want. I’m also sorry for tugging at the string so much when you didn’t want it. I should’ve taken the signs and left you alone.”

To be honest, Mingyu only kind of heard what his soulmate said because his _voice_ … This was the kind of voice he would want to hear before falling aslee—Nope! Bad Mingyu.

“Yeah, well… Great. Um.” Yet another thing Mingyu didn’t bother thinking about. _How_ he would leave.

“C-Can I just ask for something?”

Mingyu thought about it for a second. He felt the need to succumb to the other’s request because he already felt so bad for telling him to basically get out of his life, but on the other hand, what if the request was something that would still connect the two of them?

Instead of agreeing, Mingyu resorts for an ambiguous reply. “Depends. What is it?”

His soulmate took a breath through his nose, which Mingyu guesses was something he didn’t mean to do, as the sound that came out was as if he was trying to breathe through a congested nose. _Well, fuck, Mingyu._ _He’s crying_. Right after he tried breathing in, Mingyu heard a little gasp, then skin on top of skin, and he realized that his soulmate had immediately put his hand to cover his nose and mouth, as if to quiet himself. He could almost chuckle at the cute ( _did I just think that?)_ action if his soulmate wasn’t crying.

“Sorry! Ignore that. I’m,” A pause. Then a little quietly, as if he wasn’t sure, “sick?”

This time, Mingyu did chuckle. That was quite cute.

“Okay, sure. What do you want?” Mingyu wasn’t sure when the tone in his voice became so soft.

His soulmate took a deep breath before saying, “Can I see you? In the light, I mean. I’ll stay in the dark, I promise. You won’t see me.”

At this request, Mingyu wasn’t really that surprised. He almost predicted it. Despite that, he wasn’t sure if following through with it was a good idea. If his soulmate knew what he looked like, wouldn’t that just cause him more pain? To remember a face that was supposed to be his other half but had basically left him unwanted? Would it do him any good? Mingyu wasn’t sure. But it’s a small request compared to the one Mingyu is making.

Without saying anything, Mingyu slowly walks towards the light. He has the string grasped tightly in his right hand. He stands directly under the light, wondering what the person not even a few feet away from him is seeing; what he’s thinking.

Maybe two minutes pass by and all the while, his soulmate is quiet. Mingyu stares into the darkness. Knowing that his soulmate could see him, an onslaught of questions invade his mind. Is he staring at his soulmate right now? Are they the same height? Is his soulmate taller? Somehow, that just sounds wrong to Mingyu, because he’s just so sure that out of the two of them, Mingyu is the bigger one. This was something Mingyu wasn’t expecting. He wasn’t expecting to wonder about his soulmate’s appearance. It was something he honestly could care less about, something that he didn’t even think of. But now, with the knowledge that his soulmate knows what he looks like, he’s curous about what the other looks like.

He’s interrupted out of his stupor when his soulmate’s deep voice calls out, “Would it be okay to know your name?”

And at that, Mingyu’s initial mental response was, _hell no. Knowing my name and my face? That sounds like two things you could use to_ not _leave me alone_.

As if his mind was just read, “I promise to leave you alone. I will. I’ll never tug on the string again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see or meet you in person anyway. Even if I do, I-I won’t go near you. You’ll never find out who I am.”

Mingyu still didn’t believe him. Sure, he’s been soft on his soulmate the whole time they’ve been here, but he would be giving him valuable information to basically search for him. If he knew Mingyu’s name and face, then he’d be able to find him in real life! But despite being skeptic, Mingyu didn’t feel like his soulmate was lying to him at all. He really felt like the other would keep his word, no matter what.

“Kim Mingyu.”

Just like when he first stepped into the light, a few minutes passed by with his soulmate just being quiet. Again, Mingyu wondered what he was thinking about.

Finally, his soulmate let out a small, satisfied breath. “Well, goodbye, Kim Mingyu.”

Mingyu wished he could see what facial expression his soulmate made when saying those words. Even though he didn’t know what he looked like, Mingyu could almost imagine a sad smile, with silent tears falling down a face he’s never seen, uttering the farewell as if they were his last words.

The next thing he knew, the room had gone back to the pitch black of sleep, and he was succumbing to the darkness.

His soulmate had let go of their string.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Wonwoo, you’re a loved child, do you know that? Someday, you’re going to find your soulmate and they’re going to love you like you deserve._   
> 
> 
> That promise was all Wonwoo had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 2!
> 
> I just wanted to put a trigger warning that there is physical abuse in this story. If that's disturbing for you, then I'm so sorry. It's probably better for you not to read this story as a whole. 😔
> 
> Anyways, this is Wonwoo's chapter! This is his backstory and present situation! It'll have the same dialogue from the last chapter from Mingyu's dream, just with Wonwoo's point of view. Poor Wonwoo, I made our baby go through so much. 
> 
> BTW: 
> 
> Wonwoo's visual [here!](https://twitter.com/wonubliss/status/1288320892527759360)  
> This isn't super specific, but just imagine Wonwoo with soft curly hair and always wearing his round-rimmed glasses! He's a super soft boy. (But also feel free to imagine their visuals any way you want!)
> 
> Mingyu's visual [here!](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/811844270320325405/)  
> This is going to be his main hairstyle. Super boyfriend. 
> 
> I'll try and give looks and outfits to provide visuals for each chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Also, please always read the chapter notes at the end of the story for possible spoilers and updates!)

Wonwoo had always believed in the beauty of soulmates because of his parents. His beautiful mother was cherished by his father, and his father was loved by his mother. They were completely struck by each other. Even though Wonwoo knew that being soulmates meant completing each other in every sense, it was still surreal to see just how well they fit together.

It made him so excited for the day he would find his other half.

So yes, his parents loved each other.. and it was a beautiful love.

But them loving each other didn’t mean that they loved him. Correction. His mother loved him. His father… tolerated him. If his mother wasn’t there, Wonwoo wouldn’t know how his father would act towards him. But now, he thinks he has an idea.

See, since the day Wonwoo was born, his mother was completely smitten by him. He had always been a mama’s boy, and sure enough, he could admit to being spoiled by her. He was too young to understand this at the time, but his father was just jealous of the love and attention being given to him by his mother. His father had been so used to being his wife’s only object of love and affection, that when his wife started to pay more attention to Wonwoo, it was almost absurd. His father was never a big part of his childhood, often leaving him with his mother.

Sometimes, when Wonwoo saw his father looking at him, on his face was usually a look of disdain or hatred. Wonwoo had long stopped trying to be close to him after his father had slapped him for tugging at his sleeve. His mother was working that day and school was cancelled due to the snow. That day truly was a cold one.

Despite his antagonizing father, Wonwoo’s childhood was bright and happy. His mother was always by his side, always telling him, _Wonwoo, you’re a loved child, do you know that? Someday, you’re going to find your soulmate and they’re going to love you like you deserve._ If he closes his eyes, he could still remember how she would press a kiss to his forehead and pet his hair until he fell asleep in her arms. He keeps those words close to his heart at all times, because now, they’re all he has.

The day he turned 14, him and his mother were on their way to the book store because his mom wanted to buy him a book of his liking as a present. That was the worst day of his life.

“Wonwoo! Get out of your room and come down here!”

Wonwoo’s whole body flinched at the words and he immediately snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at the clock on his desk and saw that it was already past one in the morning. Usually, his father would sleep before midnight because he had to wake up early for work. Wonwoo scrambled out of his desk, haphazardly closing his laptop where he wasn’t even really doing any work on. Before leaving his room, he remembered to take his glasses off just in case his father was angry. He didn’t want to have to replace yet another pair.

He ran down the stairs like the devil was right behind him (well, in this case, Wonwoo was running towards him). The only light turned on was in the kitchen. He stopped right before entering the kitchen hall, where he knew his father would be. He tried to get a hold of himself so that he wouldn’t get a panic attack right in front of his father because he knows he’d just get more angry.

As he raised his head up from where he was trying to calm himself down, he saw his father walking out from the hall to where he was standing in the living room. Wonwoo immediately kept his head down.

When his father stopped right in front of him, Wonwoo tried to think of the best thing to say that wouldn’t end with him being hurt by the end of the conversation. After a few seconds, he quietly asks, “What’s wrong, dad?”

Before he could even breathe out that last word, the back of a hand harshly meets his face and suddenly, he’s on the floor, leaning on the wall. Wonwoo gasps out a breath and cradles the right side of his face, already feeling blood drip down his lip from where one of his father’s rings had cut him.

He swallows down a wince before moving from leaning on the wall to a kneeling position in front of his father, removing his hand from his face to put them on his knees. He keeps his head down, trying to keep tears at bay. He probably should have just not said anything at all, but the last time he kept silent when seeing him, his father had punched him in the face and kicked his side to teach him about “respect.” It was hard to judge his father’s mood.

“You think you’re so sly? Do you think I’m stupid?” Wonwoo feels his blood freeze. He fought the urge to look up at his father to plead with him. “What have I told you about your mother’s letters? You don’t have the right to look at them!”

At this, Wonwoo forgets himself and his head snaps up at his father, tears in his eyes. He whispers to his father, voice trembling, “Mom wrote those letters for _me_.”

His father kicks him right in the stomach, and Wonwoo chokes out a painful breath. He still has unhealed bruises in his midsection. Wonwoo falls to his side as he tries to breathe properly, arms clutching and shielding his stomach. He prepared himself for the onslaught of kicks he was sure he was going to receive, but his father just abruptly hoisted him up by his collar, lifting him up until his son’s face was right in front of his.

Now that Wonwoo was eye level with his father, he finally saw the tears that were in his father’s eyes. His heart breaks a little when he realized that his father probably got out of bed to look at the letters too, just like what Wonwoo did the night before.

His mother had written him little letters that she put in his lunchbox when he was a child, often writing poems about love or writing about just how much she loved Wonwoo. They kept them in a box in the kitchen hall.

The words that next leave his father’s mouth are full of pain and sadness. “She may have written them for you, but don’t you forget that she’s not here because of you.” Wonwoo thinks those words hurt more than any punch or kick his father could give him. His father shakes him under the hold of his collar, his voice becoming louder with each sentence, “Don’t forget that the reason your mother is stuck in a coma in that damn hospital is because of you, Wonwoo. If you never got into that car with her, that accident would have never happened. _You_ are the reason why your mother isn’t here.”

As if having had enough, his father suddenly let Wonwoo go, who doesn’t bother to catch himself and fell with a loud thump on his knees. The pain his body doesn’t even come close to the pain he feels in his heart. His father shoves him aside with his foot, making Wonwoo’s shoulder hit the wall as his father walks past him with fingers rubbing at his forehead.

He hears his father sniffle loudly as he walks up the stairs, and Wonwoo’s not sure if he was meant to hear when his father says to himself, “It should have been you in that hospital bed.”

Wonwoo stayed leaning on the wall, eventually changing his position so that his back was pressed against it. If it was any other night, he would have felt lucky to have gotten out of a conversation with his father without a lot of new injuries. But if anything, this night felt worse than the last time his father had beat him so badly that he had been brought to the hospital after passing out in a grocery store. He had gotten a concussion. That was two weeks ago.

His father had been away for the past week for a business trip, and he had only come home that morning, which is why Wonwoo thought the week-long trip was the perfect time for him to be able to read his mother’s letters at night. He wasn’t allowed to touch any of his mother’s belongings since the accident, but he couldn’t help but try to grasp onto anything that belonged to the only person who loved him.

Wonwoo closed his eyes as he tilted his head up. The pain from his face and stomach wasn’t even noticeable as the memories of the accident flooded his mind.

🥀

He remembers his younger self being stupid enough to take his seatbelt off to get something from the back seat of his mother’s car as she was driving, which worried her as she tried to fuss over him to put his seat belt back on. In the mere second she used to look worriedly at her child, his mother didn’t see the car that was heading straight for her side of the car. Before he could yell out for her, their car had been hit and Wonwoo lost consciousness after the second time their car rolled over.

It was all a blur after that. He had woken up at a hospital mostly unscathed, while he was told that his mother had suffered from a severe head injury that put her in a coma. The doctors had initially said they were optimistic that she would wake up after a few weeks.

Wonwoo remembers when he came home a day after the accident, his father had beaten him an inch within his life in their living room right when they closed their front door. His father made sure his son knew that it was all his fault that his mother was suffering right now.

Wonwoo remained unconscious on their living room floor for two days. His father had went right back to the hospital after taking out his anger on his son.

The next time he was finally able to go visit his mother was two weeks after he came home. His father didn’t allow him to leave the house until some of his bruises and injuries subsided. When he did visit the hospital, of course he was questioned about his bruises and why he was limping, but he was able to stammer out that he got into a fight with some boys at his school. (He ignored the nurses’ looks of suspicion because it was the middle of the summer and schools were closed.)

By the time he was able to limp to his mother’s private room, he could hear his father’s angry voice. Wonwoo instantly got flashbacks to that first day he came home from the accident, remembering how angry his father was at him. His hands shook as he held on to the sides of the entryway, peeking into the room and listening to what his father and the doctor was saying.

Behind them, he could see his mother’s body layed out on a bed, with pristine white sheets covering her. She looked like a sleeping angel. Wonwoo craved to hug her; even just to hold her hand.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Your’re the doctor! You, of all people, should know what’s happening to my wife!” His father yelled out in front of the doctor, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in that room.

The doctor was struggling to get out an explanation as he said, “Sir, we were so sure that your wife was going to come out of this within a few weeks, but the latest scans show that her brain activity is much lower than it should be at this point. Yes, her head injury was healing just fine, but s-somehow, she’s just not showing signs of waking up.”

“Isn’t two weeks too early to tell anyway? So, there’s a chance she’ll come out of this if we just wait, right?” There was desperation and maybe a hint of craze in his voice, as if he was going manic just to plead with the doctor to validate his hopes.

“W-Well, she most certainly can come out of this, but from what the scans are showing us, sir… She might be going into a vegetative state. The scans could be different the next time we test, so of course, there’s still hope her brain will recover!” The doctor said placatingly.

While watching and listening to the conversation from the entryway, Wonwoo’s heart felt like it had plundered down to the depths of the earth. He sank down to the floor and leaned back against the wall. Vegetative state? So his mom wouldn’t wake up? How was he going to-

Before he knew it, he was being held up by his collar.

“You son of a bitch, this is all your fault, you hear? If you didn’t drag your mother out that day, this would have never happened!” His father slammed his body against the wall while saying so. Luckily, the doctor heard the commotion and immediately pulled his father away from him.

Wonwoo made sure that he was able to keep himself standing, as he saw that there were a few nurses watching them. He didn’t want to make himself look so weak, even though inside, he felt as if he was being torn apart.

He kept quiet as the doctor and a few nurses told his father to calm down.

A kind nurse made sure to check on Wonwoo, asking about his injuries and if he was okay. Wonwoo looked at her name badge, reading the name _Yoona_. He felt bad for lying to her when she wore such a worried expression, but he managed to stumble out the same excuse about getting into a fight with some other kids.

She just looked into his eyes, which after a few seconds, Wonwoo put his gaze back down on the floor. The nurse turned suspicious eyes to Wonwoo’s father after she assessed the boy’s appearance. He didn’t look like the type of kid to get into fights. She had some idea as to how he had become so injured. She sighed before standing back up and turning towards the older man.

The nurse looked at Wonwoo’s father straight into the eyes, tone strict when she said, “Sir, you can’t just cause a commotion like this in a hospital. Actually, you shouldn’t be hurting your son like this anywhere, period. Car accidents can not be controlled, thus why they’re called _accidents_. Your son is not at fault here. The best thing you can do in this situation is to just be patient.”

Wonwoo looked up in surprise at the nurse. He wasn’t expecting for his father to be scolded and himself defended, as he had seen a doctor himself be such a pushover toward his father. But this nurse seemed to hold no fear.

He looked at his father to see what he would do, only to see that he was looking at Wonwoo with the same look of hatred he always wore when looking at him, but if possible, even stronger. He automatically looked down at the floor.

If there was anything he learned from being beat that day he got home from the hospital, it was that his father hated looking into Wonwoo’s eyes.

The older man cooled his expression so that he didn’t look so angry. He let out a deep breath before placing a pitiful expression on his face. “I’m sorry, I was just so sad at the thought of possibly losing my wife. I should have known better. He didn’t deserve that.”

As Wonwoo kept his gaze down on the floor, his body froze up at hearing those words. His dad was _lying_. This was an act. He abruptly looked back up at his father then looked to see at the reactions of the doctor and nurses around him.

They seemed to take pity on him, nodding their head in compliance with his apology. The only one who didn’t look fooled was the nurse who had asked if Wonwoo was okay.

She looked at his father with a slightly raised eyebrow, before letting out a sigh of defeat.

“Wonwoo, let’s go.”

Even though he was filled with fear, Wonwoo’s immediate instinct was to follow his father’s command. He pushed himself back from the wall and slowly walked towards the older man.

His father bid his farewells to the hospital staff and placed his hand on Wonwoo’s lower back, slightly pushing him to walk forward.

When they were a few feet away from the staff, his father leaned in to his ear to threaten, “Just wait until we get home.”

Wonwoo shuddered at the words. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. His father now had free reign to do anything he wanted to him, with his mother not there to protect him.

He kept his head down.

All of sudden, he could hear fast footsteps catching up to them, and a gentle hand touches the back of his arm, which is curled against his stomach. It stays there, providing comfort. He turned around to see that it was Yoona, the kind nurse who had scolded his father.

She looked at him with soft and kind eyes. It reminded him of his mother. “Wonwoo-ssi, are you okay to go home? Will you be okay?”

Wonwoo could basically hear the underlying questions under the ones she just asked. _Is your father going to hurt you? Do you need help?_

Warmth blossomed through his chest at her kindness. If he didn’t know what his father was capable of, he might have given in to her kindness and answered honestly. But he knew that if he really wanted to, his father could have this nurse’s life ruined with just a phone call.

The thought of being cared for was enough for Wonwoo. He smiled at her. He wonders if the genuine smile looks odd with the cuts on both sides of his lip and his face being painted with ugly greens and yellows of healing bruises.

“Thank you, noona but…” He stole a glance at his hovering father then said, “I’ll be okay.”

Yoona looked into his eyes just a little bit longer, before moving her hand from his arm to his hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze.

The older man just watching the situation rolled his eyes and pulled Wonwoo’s arm away from the nurse, causing Wonwoo to wince in pain and Yoona to yelp in surprise.

“Let’s go, Wonwoo.” He pushed his son forward with a rough hand, causing Wonwoo to slightly stumble forward. The boy gave a small smile to the nurse before beginning to limp away.

Wonwoo’s father would have followed suit if not for the hand that squeezed at his arm. He looked back at the nurse.

“That child—“

The older man shook his arm out of the nurse’s grasp before interrupting her, “ _That child,_ ” his father emphasized, “is none of your business.”

He didn’t give her any time to reply, immediately turning and walking away.

By the end of that day, Wonwoo’s father held up to his threat and once again, Wonwoo remained unconscious on the living room floor.

🥀

Everyday has been hell since the accident. Wonwoo’s father made sure to let out all of the anger and hatred he’s carried for his son now that his mother wasn’t there. Wonwoo knew that if anything, his father hated him more because of what he did to his mother. He knew it was his fault.

And he couldn’t be more sorry.

Wonwoo brought his head down to his hands, crying softly. He knew he deserved it. Taking his father’s beatings and harsh words would never be enough to make up for what Wonwoo had done to his mother.

If he had never agreed to his mother’s nagging to go get a present for his birthday, they wouldn’t have gotten into that accident. If he had just sat still during the car ride, his mother wouldn’t have gotten worried over him and continued to focus on driving.

It had been 7 years since the accident, and his mother was still in a coma. Although his mother seems to completely be in a vegetative state, there had been far instances where there would be a spike in her brain activity levels. Wonwoo holds on to those rare moments for hope.

He still wholeheartedly believed that she would wake up.

He wiped his tears before finally getting up from the floor and slowly making his way up to his room. It was times like these when Wonwoo hated how big their house was. Going back to his room was a battle in and of itself.

After what felt like hours, Wonwoo finally made his way back to his room. He squinted at the clock on his desk to see that it was almost two in the morning. He immediately flopped onto his bed, closing his eyes

_Ah, my body hurts._

Wonwoo closed his eyes and tried to relax his body. Somehow, relaxing his body just made the pain more intense, but he was just too tired to do anything about it. All he could feel was pain from new and old bruises alike.

However, no physical pain could compare to the pain he felt in his chest. He felt empty, but he also felt too much. He felt like his heart was shrouded in misery and despair.

 _Wonwoo, you’re a loved child, do you know that? Someday, you’re going to find your soulmate and they’re going to love you like you deserve_.

He opened his eyes again to stare at the ceiling. Warmth filled his chest at the thought of his soulmate and he couldn’t control the small smile that formed on his lips. He tried tugging on their string. Of course, there was no reply. There never was. But Wonwoo was anything if not stubborn.

He just laid there on top of his bed, gently tugging at the string in his mind. He brought his right hand up to his face, feeling for the cut on his lip, for the slight-swell of his right eye, for the scab on his cheekbones.

While feeling his injuries, the familiar feeling of helplessness took over his body. All of this began when he was 14, and he was 21 now. He couldn’t find a way out of his father’s grasp. He felt like a prisoner. A prisoner of his father’s, but also a prisoner of his sins.

Wonwoo didn’t know why he felt so sad that night. He was able to survive this far by looking at the bright side of things, but the pain in his chest was just so strong that he couldn’t find it in himself to be optimistic about anything.

What if his mother didn’t wake up? He couldn’t stand the thought of losing her forever. If his mother died, Wonwoo was sure his father would kill him if Wonwoo didn’t kill himself first.

What if Wonwoo’s soulmate never responded to him? They haven’t been responding for the three years he’d been able to tug at the string. Did his soulmate not want him?

 _Someday, you’re going to find your soulmate and they’re going to love you like you deserve_.

It was these words that had gotten him this far. In times he felt like he just couldn’t do it anymore; when he felt as if his weak body couldn’t handle anymore abuse… He remembers his mother’s words and he finds solace in the fact that there’s someone out there who was made for him; who will complete him.

Just because he’s empty now, doesn’t mean he always will be. The Wonwoo who is empty right now has someone out there who will fill in half that void and maybe help Wonwoo fill out his own half.

The thought of meeting his soulmate gets the best of him, and all of his sad emotions are replaced with excitement. He smiles to himself and tugs on the string some more, this time a little bit stronger.

With his thoughts filled with hope, Wonwoo fell asleep.

He didn’t have any dreams that night. But sometimes during his sleep, he felt a strong tug on his consciousness.

Wonwoo found himself standing in the dark with what seemed to be a light shining down the center of the room.

He was confused at first. Was this a dream? How did he get here?

He looked down at himself and saw that he was holding his string, which was in a perfectly straight line. He examined it, trying to see where it led to, but was just met with empty darkness.

Realization loomed on him that he had been tugged here. He didn’t know how to feel as he realized that it was his _soulmate_ that had created this place. His soulmate was here _with_ him. He Wonwoo had been waiting and tugging for so long, and finally, his soulmate wanted to see him.

The smile that made it way to his lips almost made him wince, as there was still a cut from where his father had back-handed him. He took a step forward, wanting to go to his soulmate, who he assumed was on the other side of the light, hiding in the dark.

But before he could take another stop, a voice yelled out to him, “Stop. Don’t take a step forward. Just stay there.”

Wonwoo stilled. He reveled in hearing his soulmate’s voice for the first time. He’s always tried to imagine meeting his soulmate and hearing their voice, and here he was. The other’s voice was raspy but strong. They held a confidence Wonwoo could never have in his own voice. He admired it.

He wanted to at least talk to his soulmate, so he began, “I—”

“Stop!” He heard from his soulmate. Wonwoo’s heart plummeted. He didn’t feel so good about this. “Don’t talk. Just don’t say anything. Don’t move and don’t talk.”

Despite feeling confused about what was happening, Wonwoo followed his soulmate’s orders after a pause. He took a step back and stood where he originally was.

Wonwoo wanted nothing more than to see what his soulmate looked like. What got him through the past seven years was the thought of being with his soulmate, thinking of his mother’s promise that he would be loved.

This was all he had.

Maybe he was a fool to believe that his soulmate would reciprocate his feelings, but he couldn’t let go of the hope he held. Without it, he’s not sure if he’s kidding when he thinks he’ll actually die.

He gained the strength to get up out of bed everyday, to get up from where his father leaves him beaten, to not succumb to the pain he feels all the time, just by thinking of his soulmate and his mother.

So yes, this was all he had.

But right now, his soulmate didn’t seem to want to hear from him at all. Wonwoo’s heart was beating so fast out of nervousness and anticipation. Maybe his soulmate was just being cautious at first and wanted some space to—

“I don’t want anything to do with you.” He hears all of a sudden.

Wonwoo has heard every curse one could throw from his father. He’s always thought that words could hurt more than punches or kicks ever could, and he’s never felt so right about believing it. It was an understatement to say that his heart felt like it had just been broken in two.

The constant pain in his chest was now a raging fire burning across his heart and up to his brain. It _hurt_. Wonwoo didn’t even notice that he had stopped breathing. He blinked in the darkness, trying to focus on the light only to feel that he was already crying. He breathed again.

“Listen, I just don’t believe in the whole soulmate thing being good for people. Okay, actually, it may be good for a lot of people, judging from all of my friends who have soulmates and they’re completely happy, like, to the point that it’s kind of annoying… But, I guess I just don’t believe that this soulmate thing will be good for _me_. I’m just completely against it.”

It was like someone had lunged a burning hot stake into Wonwoo’s chest. One of the only things he’s held on to for hope throughout these hellish years; his _soulmate_ … didn’t want him. Did the gods, God, whoever was out there in the cosmos, hate Wonwoo so much that he had to bear such pain?

The irony of this situation would have made Wonwoo laugh and cry at the same time. Of course the one thing he’s been grasping onto in desperation was yet another person who wanted nothing to do with him. Did he really deserve to be unloved?

“I forced you here first, to apologize for the past. I’m sorry for ignoring you for the past 3 years without any explanation since I should have told you this early. Second, to apologize for the future. To be honest, I was never going to do this. I wasn’t going to meet you. If my friend didn’t guilt-trip me into thinking about how selfish I am, I probably would have just kept you hanging. So, I guess I’m sorry for not wanting you to be a part of my future? Lastly, I just want you to stop tugging at the string. I’m never going to tug back. I’m never going to want to do anything with this soulmate business. So please, stop.”

Wonwoo’s mind was jumbled. He actually felt a little dizzy hearing all of this. He was surprised that he was able to remain so quiet, keeping the sobs he wanted to let out at bay. He was absolutely _distraught_. Nevermind driving a stake into his heart… It was like someone had forcefully struck their hand into his chest, took a hold of his fragile heart, squeezed, and harshly twisted it right then and there.

He felt pathetic, wanting nothing more than to plead with his soulmate to give him a chance, even a small one to perhaps change his mind. Wonwoo clutched at his chest, trying to placate the pain he felt there.

His tears continued to stream down his face.

With his father, he had always had to stay silent and not allow his cries to be heard. He would curl up on his bed at night and cry with his hand covering his mouth, fearing that his father would hear his sobs and punish him.

His father hated hearing him cry, being reminded that his son was so weak.

Wonwoo had dreamed of the day that he would freely be able to cry on his soulmate’s shoulder; had always hoped to be comforted, had always hoped to just be _loved_.

How ironic that even his soulmate wanted him to stay silent.

But if Wonwoo thought about it, he understood. At least, he was trying to. This was what his soulmate wanted. Although Wonwoo was foolish enough to believe in the natural pull of soulmates, his soulmate didn’t.

His soulmate had his own life, and he just happened to not want Wonwoo to be a part of it.

Just because Wonwoo was suffering and found solace in the existence of the idea of his soulmate doesn’t mean that that had to be reciprocated.

His soulmate was satisfied with a life without him.

Wonwoo wasn’t selfish enough to go against his soulmate’s wishes just because his own life was hell. If this was what his soulmate wanted, then he would follow his wishes. At least Wonwoo knew that him leaving his soulmate alone would make the other happy.

At least one of them would come out of this happy.

“Sorry, um. It’s actually pretty confusing if you don’t talk, so…”

He focused on making sure that his voice would come out without breaking.

He took a breath with his mouth, careful not to inhale using his nose as to not betray him crying.

As softly as he can, Wonwoo says, “Okay.”

There was a slight lapse between the two of them. Wonwoo honestly expected his soulmate to let go of the string and just end the dream now that he had agreed to stop tugging on their string.

“…Okay? You’re okay with that? That’s it? You’ll stop?” Wonwoo’s a little confused when he hears that there’s disbelief in his soulmate’s voice. Was he expecting him to fight back? His soulmate’s happiness was more important here.

“If that’s what you want,” Wonwoo clenched his fists, pressing his nails into his palms to control his voice from breaking, his right hand never letting go of their string. “I’m also sorry for tugging at the string so much when you didn’t want it. I should’ve taken the signs and left you alone.”

His soulmate didn’t say anything for a second, then he heard the other clear his throat before saying, “Yeah, well… Great. Um.”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened a little, realizing that this would be the last time he was going to see his soulmate. This was going to be it. He was overcome with a little bit of desperation when he blurts out, “C-Can I just ask for something?”

As expected, he’s met with silence. Wonwoo would have felt embarrassed if he didn’t know that this would be the last time he would talk to his soulmate.

“Depends. What is it?”

It wasn’t a yes, but also wasn’t a no. He felt a little bit relieved that he wasn’t immediately shut down. He took another deep inhale, this time accidentally breathing through his nose. The sound of breathing through a congested nose was heard immediately, and Wonwoo blushed as he slapped his hand over his nose and mouth.

“Sorry! Ignore that. I’m,” he searches his brain for any excuse before unconfidently saying as if it was a question, “sick?”

He heard his soulmate chuckle and Wonwoo could have melted right there. His _laugh_. Wonwoo was already sad about so many things that had happened in the span of the time he’s talked to his soulmate, but not being able to hear that laugh again was just another thing added onto that list.

“Okay, sure,” His soulmate said teasingly. Wonwoo once again felt sad that this would be the last time he could talk to his soulmate, and they haven’t even had any semblance of a regular conversation. This teasing line was the only thing that would probably come close to playful bickering between them. “What do you want?” The way his soulmate says this softly makes Wonwoo already miss him even though he’s right there. He’s going to miss him a lot after this.

He’s nervous when he says, “Can I see you? In the light, I mean. I’ll stay in the dark, I promise. You won’t see me.”

Wonwoo looked into the darkness, eyes shining both with tears and hope. He wasn’t sure if his request would be followed, as his soulmate seemed to be adamant on not wanting anything to do with him.

But what could his soulmate lose in showing himself to Wonwoo? He at least wanted to have a face to think of when he couldn’t tug on their string anymore.

He’s completely unprepared when he hears footsteps coming towards the light… and there he is.

Wonwoo couldn’t help but just stare both in awe and sadness. He was never going to be able to have this.

His soulmate was _beautiful_. He was just a couple of inches taller than Wonwoo, but he was quite bigger in size compared to him. He tries to ignore the fact that the difference in their body size complimented each other perfectly.

His black hair framed his small but strong face perfectly, sharp features striking against his honey skin. Even in his white shirt and sweatpants, Wonwoo could tell that his soulmate was the type of person to stand out no matter what he was wearing.

Maybe this was one reason why the universe didn’t want Wonwoo to be with him. Someone like Wonwoo couldn’t possibly deserve someone as beautiful as the person standing right in front of him.

He knows his soulmate can’t see him, but Wonwoo’s heart is set on fire when his soulmate just happens to be looking right into his eyes. He feels his eyes well up with tears, yet again.

He wouldn’t see those pretty brown eyes again, would he?

Wonwoo knows he’s probably pushing it when he asks, “Would it be okay to know your name?”

He knew he might have crossed a line but if this was the last time he was going to see his soulmate, he at least wanted to get as much as he can out of it.

Sensing his soulmate’s hesitation and suspicion, Wonwoo is quick to explain himself. “I promise to leave you alone. I will. I’ll never tug on the string again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see or meet you in person anyway. Even if I do, I-I won’t go near you. You’ll never find out who I am.”

And all he can do is hope that’s enough for his soulmate to give Wonwoo his name. He’s telling the truth anyway. He’s not allowed to leave the house without permission from his father, even going as far as to take all of his university classes online because he wasn't allowed to go out.

There would be no way for Wonwoo to be able to see his soulmate in real life. He doesn’t even have a choice of leaving his own home.

All of a sudden, his soulmate states, “Kim Mingyu.”

Kim Mingyu.

Mingyu.

Kim Mingyu and Jeon Wonwoo.

 _It fits._ Wonwoo sadly thinks.

Still staring into his soulmates eyes which bore into his unknowingly, he couldn’t help the sad smile that made its way onto his face, tears still falling from his eyes. He let out a small breath, satisfied with being able to put a name onto his soulmate’s face.

All the while, he stares at his soulmate’s face, trying to permanently imprint it into his memories. This would be the last time he’d see it for real, after all.

“Well,” he softly says. “Goodbye, Kim Mingyu.”

Wonwoo lets go of their string.

He blinks his eyes open to see the familiar layout of his ceiling. He feels tear tracks on his face. While he was crying in his dream, he had cried in real life too. He lies awake on his bed, feeling triple the amount of pain he felt before falling asleep.

He never knew he could be hurt so much in one day.

No amount of beatings or curses could come close to the pain he got as a result of him and his soulmate’s meeting.

Ironic that their first meeting would also be their last.

He couldn’t help but burst into tears at thinking about everything that had happened that night.

_Wonwoo, you’re a loved child, do you know that? Someday, you’re going to find your soulmate and they’re going to love you like you deserve._

Sobs racked up his chest, and he’s only able to throw his arm over his mouth before he’s fully letting them out. He bites into the arm covering his mouth, focusing on quieting himself while letting out his pent-up emotions. He didn’t want to be heard by his father.

_But mama, what do I do if the person who’s supposed to love me doesn’t even want me? Do I not deserve to be loved?_

His soulmate didn’t want him.

An unwanted child. That’s all he was ever going to be. Loved only by the woman who bared him.

He didn’t know how he was going to face the next day. The only thing he held onto to survive had rejected him.

Wonwoo cried for a long time. He thought that the sobs would subside, but if anything, they only grew louder as time went on, so he bit harder at his arm to muffle the sounds.

Kim Mingyu.

He pictures his soulmate’s face in his mind. He wonders what he looks like smiling… laughing… angry… embarrassed… He wanted to see him; _know_ him.

The pain of his bitten and bruised arm couldn’t even mask the pain he felt in his chest.

Wonwoo guessed his chest was just always going to be a chasm for pain. Never anything more.

He feels like an hour or two passes by just of him crying. Soon enough, he grows tired of it. He works to swallow down his sobs and rubs his hands on his eyes, wiping away his ugly tears.

He lets his arm fall across his bed, feeling the bed get wet underneath it, probably because of the blood dripping down from where he had bit.

Empty eyes stared into the ceiling, tear tracks dried on the sides of his face. He was growing numb. He couldn’t think anymore. He didn’t want to think anymore, anyways.

He stays staring at the ceiling for the next few hours, not noticing that the sun had risen. He barely even noticed the sounds from outside his room of his father preparing and leaving to go to work.

He probably would have stayed like that the whole day, and the next day, and probably the day after that. He didn’t really feel like trying anymore. What for?

 _Mom_.

Wonwoo wanted to slap himself for forgetting his mother. He couldn’t forget that his mother could wake up any day. He was so hung up on his soulmate that he had forgotten the other important source of hope he’s been holding onto.

Even though he still felt an infinite amount of pain, he doesn’t feel quite as empty as before. He had to remember that his mother would want him to be there if she woke up.

He couldn’t give up now.

He would never get over his soulmate and this would probably leave a scar like nothing else he’d ever gone through, but he had to respect his soulmate’s wishes. He couldn’t be selfish and—

His thoughts were interrupted by the blaring ring of his phone, signaling a call. Wonwoo didn’t even jump at the noise. Usually, any loud and abrupt sounds made him flinch in fear.

Wonwoo thought about letting the phone just go to voicemail, but he hasn’t gotten a phone call in so long that he feels the need to take it. Pathetic, craving attention from a mere phone call. It could be spam for all he knew.

He pulled himself up from where he was laying down, body feeling _so_ heavy.

He pressed the green button before slowly bringing the phone up to his hear. He felt lethargic.

“Good morning, is this Jeon Wonwoo?” It was a woman.

Wonwoo tried to reply but found that his voice just wasn’t coming out due to how raw his throat was from his earlier sobbing. He cleared his throat before answering, “U-Um, yes. I’m Wonwoo.”

He didn’t know what this was about, as the caller was just a random number. Not that he had any contacts anyway. His only contact was his father, for the rare times that he was allowed to go out and his father wanted to call him to demand him to come home.

“Hi, Wonwoo-ssi! I’m an academic counselor at Seoul National University, and I’m just calling to tell you that there are a few classes that you are required to take in-person in order to graduate this year. Your records show that you’ve taken all of your classes online since attending SNU, but since it’s your last year, you might want to think about adding these required courses to your schedule.”

Wonwoo’s mind was blank. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He would have to get his father’s permission to be able to take those classes, and that was a conversation (or more accurately, a beating) he wasn’t really looking forward to.

On the other hand, if he was given permission, then it would be his only chance to go outside daily. He has basically been kept as a prisoner in his house for the past seven years, and this was an opportunity to periodically get out.

“Wonwoo-ssi?”

The boy in question didn’t even notice that he had been quiet for so long, but his mind wasn’t really working at that moment. He _had_ just gotten his heart broken. And maybe a rib, because now that he was standing upright, breathing didn’t feel all that easy.

“Sorry, I’ll see what I can do about those classes.” He tells her. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to get permission from his father, but at this point, what did he really have to lose?

“Oh, that’s great! I’ll email you what classes you have to take. Since we’re pretty early into the semester, there are still a number of open classes for you to enroll in. Good luck, Wonwoo-ssi!”

When he hangs up, he laughs a little hysterically at her last words. _Good luck_ , she said. He’s never had such a thing, but if he was going to ask his father for permission to take these classes, he was going to need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else goes to SNU again? 🧐
> 
> If Wonwoo gets permission from his dad... who might he have the chance of seeing in the next chapter? Hmm... 👀
> 
> Also, nurse Yoona may or may not show up again in future chapters, we'll see!
> 
> I'm thinking of making Mondays my target update days! To be honest, I may update this story much faster than on a weekly basis just because of how much I love this storeline, but to have a structured update schedule, I think I'll make my update day Mondays! 
> 
> I'm also so so thankful for your kind comments! I'm so happy that this story caught your attention and was even able to touch your hearts enough to make you tear up. I think stories that are able to pull these kinds of emotions out of you are doing something good, so thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Please do continue to comment, as I love reading them and seeing what you guys think. 
> 
> Much love and see you on the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm so sorry if there were grammatical and/or spelling errors.


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